who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
