I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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