i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
