I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
