so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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