i don't like sucking hair
Just fell off a train. Bad.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just puked most of my soul out..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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