What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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