K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize