Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.