How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.