Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.

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(503): Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy. http://tfl.nu/7ct1

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(630): View more from Illinois

i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.

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(630): i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/iqfz

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.

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(828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end. http://tfl.nu/rcny

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(847): View more from Illinois

my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.

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(847): my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news. http://tfl.nu/1uhd

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(678): View more from Georgia

it's not cheating when I paid for it

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(678): it's not cheating when I paid for it http://tfl.nu/o8mk

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(905): View more from Ontario

She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

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(905): She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris http://tfl.nu/nmbr

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(203): View more from Connecticut

after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.

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(203): after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet. (1-203): your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd. http://tfl.nu/5pti

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(516): View more from New York

good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.

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(516): good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top. http://tfl.nu/vbez

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(812): View more from Indiana

I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.

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(812): I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking. http://tfl.nu/z4xo

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(816): View more from Missouri

Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila

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(816): Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila http://tfl.nu/brdu

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(740): View more from Ohio

I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"

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(740): I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots" http://tfl.nu/pkth

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(510): View more from California

A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"

(1-510): View more from California

Berkeley was the right choice

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(510): A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by" (1-510): Berkeley was the right choice http://tfl.nu/la9d

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!

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(413): Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?! http://tfl.nu/jygw

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.

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(303): I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day. http://tfl.nu/g7z2

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.

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(701): Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy. http://tfl.nu/ym5a

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