you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies