The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
