I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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