That's intense
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
