Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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