ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
