You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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