so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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