I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
