dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
