Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
