Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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