Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
