You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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