How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
