He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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