distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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