i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
