So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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