Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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