This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
