Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
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Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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