mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
