Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
