theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
is it fun? or sober?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
