Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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