I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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