After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
