I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
