I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
