I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
