I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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