I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
