I am puke
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
