I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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