dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
