I hate all girls vehemently.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
