oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Randomize
