it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
