made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
