i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
