Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
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Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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