Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
