i think my tv is drunk
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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