mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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