Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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