Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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