whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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