Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Success! We fucked roommates!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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