I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize