We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
