I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
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I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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