things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
