Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
