oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
