over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Houston, we have a squirter
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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