That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
