sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
