i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
