how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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