you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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