How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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