so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
