maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
