Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
