We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
