well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
