dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need to sanitize my soul.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
