I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
